I look back at the post and wonder where the year went. Feb. 1st was my last post. That's a big mistake for me. I find when I'm writing then I seem to be more aware of my actions. Ignoring the post just enables me to try and ignore behavior. Not a good idea for me.
Many special and good things have happened this past year. I'm pursuing God in a way that is deep and meaningful. I really do understand that my weight cannot be the focus because it's like treating an outward symptom of an inward thought process that is wrong. I must have been treating the outward signs. That, for me, didn't work because much of the weight has returned. If it were weight only, then God would have listed the appropriate BMI in His word for each height and weight.
My friends are frustrated because they weigh 160 or 150. I would love to weigh that! How did we get to the place where we feel better about ourselves based on what size we are in? I'm just trying to sort this out. No offense intended. Women just never seem to be happy or content. What is beauty? What constitutes happiness?
I want to make a difference in someone's life. I want to die knowing that I wore my body out serving God. The weight is a distraction that keeps me from giving all of myself to Him. That's all. It doesn't make me pretty in His eyes and that's really all that matters. Giving Him all of myself also means dying to the wrong ways of dealing with this world and its cares.
I don't think I've seen anyone more beautiful that Sister Therese or Rosa Parks. I'm heading into a part of my life where beauty can no longer be defined by a great butt and boobs. It's something deeper and more refining. I'm looking for that.
I want to hear God's voice in this. I exercised, I completed a triathalon (ugly as it was), learned to swim, on and on and on. I write this because I'm searching for His will for me.
I'm looking for balance and right thinking. I'm not there yet. I have real concerns that I will trade imbalance with eating to obsessive thinking about what I'm eating. Both are about eating and both are wrong.
If you see me in a casket looking like Barbie you should cry and weep. If you see a woman who lived her life to its fullest in service to others and God then I would say it was a life well lived. How does health and weight figure into this?
I'll get back with you as I continue on the journey.
Love Dawna
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Dawan,
ReplyDeleteI do see you as a woman who is making a difference in the lives of others. I see you being Jesus, loving your family, your friends and strangers. I see you as an obedient woman of God who desires to please the Lord in every area of your life. You are so full of love and compassion for others. You are one of the most positive, encouraging people I know. I know you desire the Lord's direction in all things that you are involved in from homeschooling your children to softball, to swimming, to FLAG, to being an antrepenuer, to leading women at your church, to being a caring friend, and yes, even to health and fitness. It's true, our focus has got to be more than skin deep.
Praying with you as we all try to find the right balance in our lives in this area.
Love ya, sista.
And that comment about Barbie? That's not how I remember the conversation one night at PF Changs... If I remember correctly, your friends will see to it that you're looking mighty gorgeous in that casket....wink, wink!
oops, I spelled a couple of words wrong. Can you find them? heehee
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